Seeing the psychology formula & the feeling ladders in reference to experiencing in the moment embarrassment, tension or fear of people's reactions

Gerber 2985

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Sep 9, 2020
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Hello,
I was wondering if we could unpack and look at more closely the mechanics that are going on when I am having an interaction with someone and I am feeling embarrassed, self conscious or even fear when they are saying what they are saying. The feelings of being criticized or that they are turned off or that in the extreme that I feel like I can't even stay in the room or continue the conversation.

I have been looking at this understanding that noone can put a feeling into me. That I can't be forced to have to stop the conversation. That I don't have to and that I can't make someone change their feelings about me. I am having insight as I have been having conversations about this topic and I was thinking that it would be even more clear how it really works if we can use this as an example.

I don't think that just seeing the logic of this will make those feelings change in me but perhaps it will be helpful to see the truth and I would hope that I would have more choice when I understand how the system works.

Would anyone be interested in sharing comments or explanations on this.
I would be interested in having a conversation about it.

Thank you.
 

willow

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PTI Insight Member
Jul 21, 2022
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Hello,
I was wondering if we could unpack and look at more closely the mechanics that are going on when I am having an interaction with someone and I am feeling embarrassed, self conscious or even fear when they are saying what they are saying. The feelings of being criticized or that they are turned off or that in the extreme that I feel like I can't even stay in the room or continue the conversation.

I have been looking at this understanding that noone can put a feeling into me. That I can't be forced to have to stop the conversation. That I don't have to and that I can't make someone change their feelings about me. I am having insight as I have been having conversations about this topic and I was thinking that it would be even more clear how it really works if we can use this as an example.

I don't think that just seeing the logic of this will make those feelings change in me but perhaps it will be helpful to see the truth and I would hope that I would have more choice when I understand how the system works.

Would anyone be interested in sharing comments or explanations on this.
I would be interested in having a conversation about it.

Thank you.
I don't know if this is 3p's but when I get the insight that this person is not putting the feeling in me but I still feel the way I do towards this person and don't know what to do I know this is my personal message to pray for me and to pray for them. I find there is nothing to do but rec the truth of where it is coming from and that often praying someone makes something shift ( not telling you what to do) so that I feel compassion that they are locked in their bubble of negtivity or anger or whatever and I know I Have been there as well. SO I bless them in my heart. But I only can come to this with insight that oh this is not about them. This is about me me rec the SOURCE
 

Brett Chitty

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I don't think that just seeing the logic of this will make those feelings change in me but perhaps it will be helpful to see the truth and I would hope that I would have more choice when I understand how the system works.
That's a big point.
Regardless of whether the feelings change or not, where you are coming from will change. Your "frame of reference" for "using these principles" must change and as a result, what you'll see must change as well because it always follows your thought process. A switch of the reference (or source) from the "outside" to the "inside" is the equivalent of you transferring from one paradigm to another.

Don't forget, you cannot take any thought from one paradigm and transfer it to another. So when you switch paradigms, not only you'll have to leave your thoughts behind, you'll also gain the thoughts from the new paradigm you find yourself in. The implications are enormous. I'll leave it here and let you contemplate and reflect.
 

willow

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Jul 21, 2022
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That's a big point.
Regardless of whether the feelings change or not, where you are coming from will change. Your "frame of reference" for "using these principles" must change and as a result, what you'll see must change as well because it always follows your thought process. A switch of the reference (or source) from the "outside" to the "inside" is the equivalent of you transferring from one paradigm to another.

Don't forget, you cannot take any thought from one paradigm and transfer it to another. So when you switch paradigms, not only you'll have to leave your thoughts behind, you'll also gain the thoughts from the new paradigm you find yourself in. The implications are enormous. I'll leave it here and let you contemplate and reflect.
@Gerber what do you think of this reply? I have seen this to be true.
 

Gerber 2985

Member
Sep 9, 2020
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I don't know if this is 3p's but when I get the insight that this person is not putting the feeling in me but I still feel the way I do towards this person and don't know what to do I know this is my personal message to pray for me and to pray for them. I find there is nothing to do but rec the truth of where it is coming from and that often praying someone makes something shift ( not telling you what to do) so that I feel compassion that they are locked in their bubble of negativity or anger or whatever and I know I Have been there as well. SO I bless them in my heart. But I only can come to this with insight that oh this is not about them. This is about me me rec the SOURCE
Thank you so much.
3p or not it was wonderful and beautiful. I passed this onto my friend who printed it out because it was so great.
But I only can come to this with insight that oh this is not about them.
Can this be done without insight? With a sticky note remembering that this is what I want to do because I won't feel it now.
That is what happens with me many times but maybe there is some amount of insight there? (are there levels of insight? I guess for another thread. I don't know if it is insight. But I remember and can see the truth in your message above so I want to do it EVEN if I don't feel like it.)
 

willow

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Jul 21, 2022
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Thank you so much.
3p or not it was wonderful and beautiful. I passed this onto my friend who printed it out because it was so great.

Can this be done without insight? With a sticky note remembering that this is what I want to do because I won't feel it now.
That is what happens with me many times but maybe there is some amount of insight there? (are there levels of insight? I guess for another thread. I don't know if it is insight. But I remember and can see the truth in your message above so I want to do it EVEN if I don't feel like it.)
You ask such good deep questions. I think do what works for you. But what is going to make you remember to see the sticky note?
 
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Sebastian

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Oct 21, 2022
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[...] I feel compassion that they are locked in their bubble of negtivity or anger or whatever and I know I Have been there as well. SO I bless them in my heart. But I only can come to this with insight that oh this is not about them. This is about me me rec the SOURCE

I get a sense that you are saying, that you have an insight and then you feel compassion and pray?

Is that correct?

Just want to make sure I understand you correctly.


I have been looking at this understanding that noone can put a feeling into me.

I wonder for myself sometimes, about which feelings might still be the approprite ones to have. I might be angry about something or somebody sometimes. I mean this more like a temper which is like an impulse to do something about a situation.

What I'm getting at, is that perhaps it could be the right action to want to stop a conversation or leave a situation, or perhaps telling somebody that how I feel they are conducting themselves isn't approprite.

I feel, these actions can sometimes arise as a force within me to do something sometimes – kinda... just this 'anger' to do something, I don't think I targeting any person or situation with this anger.
 
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Gerber 2985

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I honestly don't know.
I just believe at this point that there is much more to see that wouldn't have me be so disabled from someone else's comments.
That I can take those actions from a peaceful strong place.
Today one of my children said some impatient things to me after which I feel hurt and embarrassed.
I find it so uncomfortable and painful to be in that situation.
But the more that I understand how thinking works (in addition to the faith that I learn and much more) I can see that I would get that thinking and understand what is going on.

From that place I can STILL take action even without those negative feelings knowing that such actions are not correct.
 

willow

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Jul 21, 2022
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I get a sense that you are saying, that you have an insight and then you feel compassion and pray?

Is that correct? YES

Just want to make sure I understand you correctly.




I wonder for myself sometimes, about which feelings might still be the approprite ones to have. I might be angry about something or somebody sometimes. I mean this more like a temper which is like an impulse to do something about a situation.

What I'm getting at, is that perhaps it could be the right action to want to stop a conversation or leave a situation, or perhaps telling somebody that how I feel they are conducting themselves isn't approprite.

I feel, these actions can sometimes arise as a force within me to do something sometimes – kinda... just this 'anger' to do something, I don't think I targeting any person or situation with this anger.
 
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Reactions: Sebastian